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New Navy rating translates more easily to the civilian sector?

October has arrived.

Summer heat is slowly relinquishing its sweat-greasy grip on our parched throats and the crisp autumn breeze signals the approach of familial merriment, copious food and opulent gift-giving, the signs of another holiday season.

But for retail employees, the chill in the air only serves to conjure previously suppressed memories of seasons past — the painful recollections of Black Friday battles amidst the Hobbesian savagery of mall Santas, BOGO JCPenney sales and inexplicably long lines at Sbarro.

Mothers resort to pulling hair and gut punching in a desperate dash to obtain the latest must-have toy their rotten spawn should possess, or the terrorists win.

Fathers lose all semblance of civility, their primal grunts competing with the crunch and claw of fist and nail as they scrap a bloody path to the land of milk, honey and a 46-inch Samsung Smart LED TV that was marked down to $159.99.

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Tucson Arizona Chapter
Tucson Arizona Chapter

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